Who Ya Gonna Call?
by piloqutinnguaq
Summary: Darcy has an emergency and calls in the cavalry. Unfortunately, they seem to be reluctant to charge.


Darcy stared at the blinking red light. She had opened it up, shaken the cartridge (or what she thought was the cartridge) and replaced the paper but the printer/copier was not cooperating. Her eyes flicked down to the contact list on her phone. Thor was probably with Jane and wouldn't give her a chance to do anything before he attacked the machine with a hammer. The name below Jane's caught her eye.

"Darcy, this is not a good time."

"C'mon, Tony. I need genius help. The printer-copier in the resource room is broken again."

There was a sigh followed by what sounded like a minor explosion and the fire alarm. "Okay, Darce, you know I love you, but seriously this is a bad time. _Fuck off you stupid robot_!"

"Dude, you built an exo-suit in a cave and you can't fix the printer over the phone?" She winced at the second set of alarms that began to blare.

"For Christ's sake! Don't call me when I'm in the lab."

The line went dead. Darcy rolled her eyes and in the same vein tried Pepper's cell, but was rewarded with no answer. The leggy blonde probably left it upstairs when she ran towards Tony's latest attempt to destroy their house. Darcy figured if she was going to try one Avenger she might as well try them all. She selected the next name on her list.

"Hello, Steve Rogers speaking?"

"Steve-o, you figured out how the cell phone works. I'm so proud. Listen, the printer-copier in the resource room is broken and I need to get Jane's notes from my i-Pad onto the page because Fury is an old fart."

"What's an i-Pad?"

"Nevermind."

Darcy hung up over Steve's faint protests and dialed in luck winner number four. She gave the copier a half-hearted shake before the call was answered.

"Hello?"

"Bruce, buddy, how's it going?"

"Darcy, I gave you this number for emergencies only."

"It's an emergency! An administrative emergency… you're like really smart right? I can't fix the printer copier."

"Darcy, I'm a doctor, not an engineer. Call Tony."

"I tried him. And Pepper. And even Steve!"

"What about Barton?"

"Huh. Later, B."

Darcy scrolled down to Clint's name and pressed call. She tried to motivate the machine with her most threatening glare while she was waiting. It shuddered defiantly.

"What?"

"Cold, bro! I've got a problem. A situation, if you will. All your teammates have totally bailed and I'm ready to go damsel in distress on your ass."

"Darcy, I told you, I'm not going to fix any computer related problem ever again after the Fury incident. I like being alive. With all my limbs. Text me about paintball on Saturday. Stark said he's in."

The archer hung up on her before she could get another word in. Okay, she could admit the prank she had pulled on Fury had been a little extreme, especially since Clint had no idea what he was helping her with. It hadn't cost her life, apparently just her partner in crime, but the look on Fury's face when an excellently photoshopped collection of him in fetish porn had hit every SHIELD computer in New York was _priceless_.

She decided to try a last ditch effort.

"Allo?"

"Natasha, babe, what's up?"

There was a crashing and a grunt of exertion and a scream of pain. "Just finishing up a special assignment. We're on for Saturday right?"

"Oh yeah, yeah, Stark and Barton are in. I'm wondering if you could help me out. I can't get the printer copier to work in the resource room."

"Turn it on and off. The reset button is on the back in the bottom left corner. It's red."

"Tasha, I love you and your killer thighs." Darcy pressed end call and slipped her phone back into her sweater pocket. It took some maneuvering to get behind the machine since she couldn't move it away from the wall (if only Natasha had been there in person), but Darcy managed to find the reset, press it, and the machine whirred to life again in less than five minutes.

Fury looked mildly surprised when she handed him the notes before the due date he had given her. His one eye wrinkled up as he scanned them. "How did you get these printed? You left four messages whining about the broken machine."

"Girl code, I can't reveal the tricks of the trade!" she said with an exaggerated wink. Fury looked blankly back at her.

"That's the magician's code, Lewis."

"All the same!"


End file.
